This is a page from my personal journal. I am sharing it with you because you can see how being connected really works. In the real deal of daily life. When your freakin' out because your scared and your anxiety is through the roof. When you feel like a pop bottle shaken up ready to explode! Fearful images, memories of painful experiences rush forward like the bubbles in that soda. . . and they sting.
Just being a Psychic person doesn't make me immune to fear or worry. It makes me reach deeply into faith. To find the trust that I have to have in a good relationship with my Healing Team. To believe whole heartedly in what they have to say. That is love. That is faith. That is trust. And we all get the opportunity to reconnect with that over and over again.
Here is the short but pointed conversation I had the day before I had surgery.
Morning Pages January 8, 2015 unedited
I am feeling fear, anxiety rising up or bumping into me.
It's like it is protecting me as a blanket. I would much prefer a blanket of love.
That is what I will transmute it into. YES. I will.
Why is there fear here? What is it saying? The focus of it is on the worry about my son's routine and childcare for him- it's so early in the morning nobody is available to help. That's too much to ask someone to do. And the IV. Those needles are big and they sting. If it's not done well it will hurt the entire time. Then after the surgery- I always get so sick. The waking up part takes me too long. I don't want to stay overnight.
CAN YOU ALLOW US TO CARRY THESE FEARS?
A tall Angel figure embodying Raziel, Metatron and Melchizedek showed up beside my bed.
CAN YOU GIVE THEM TO ME/US?
Yes. I can. The fear is not protecting me.
ONE STEP AT A TIME. THAT IS TRUST FOUND IN FAITH.
DO YOU TRUST US?
Of course I do!
DEMONSTRATE THAT NOW.
YOUR CAFFINEE THAT YOU DRINK RIGHT NOW IS NOT HELPING THE ANXIETY. PURGE THAT.
And that was the end of the conversation. I needed to focus on helping my body be ready and that meant my mind had to shut up with the fears. The feelings of fear that come from memories of other visits to the hospital had to be calmed and not leading in my body. I had a very good experience. I had help all along the way that day. Every moment they, my Team was right there. The roads were so icy it was scary to drive, we turned off the country road and up ahead was 3 not 1 but 3 plow trucks. They lead us all half way there where the roads cleared up! At one point I freaked out with the glare ice shining up at us- my husband asked if we needed to turn around. I said I don't know and I say visions of cars in the ditch and a big highway. He said ASK your TEAM.
I did and there was an immediate Metatron response and a knock on the hood- saying WE GOT YOU. And a cherub escorting us along the center line of the road. Then I heard "DO YOU REALLY THINK WE WOULD LET ANYTHING HAPPEN TO YOU, NOW? I said it's ok to my husband. I said a prayer for all the school buses and people having to drive that morning. Later that night after talking with my Mom on the phone she happened to mention a huge 90 car pile up during the morning rush hour in Michigan. Instantly I knew I had felt that.
We had to bring our 5 yr old because the family that was going to watch him got sick and our backup was in a two hour school start delay making coordination impossible. But it felt right to do that not a burden at all. He wasn't grumpy he was part of the Team.
The IV was fast and well placed. I mean really fast. The nurse that put it in was great.
I got extra motion sickness medicine before going into the OR.
And as I came out of the recovery room with my eyes closed I was talking- I was doing readings for the nurses that were near me. I must have sounded crazy. I was on major pain meds. but I gave good advice apparently. I remember a little of it- I was asking for a J name- is there a Jody or a Judi here? There is a Julie I'm a Julie I heard. Then I went on about her work with kids and that being a PED Nurse would be a good move for her. Then a opened my eyes and my husband and son were in the room with me. And I didn't feel sick. I felt like I had a few glasses of wine but not sick. When my Doctor heard that I was doing readings she was so disappointed that she missed it!
Interesting how things happen. If we allow ourselves to just be present and move from one thing to another. I am resting today. It's 3 days post surgery. I am doing healing meditations. I am reading. And listening to a ton of great inspired talks. Thank you for all your well wishes.
I had an incredible day yesterday. I was more in line with spirit than ever before. I moved from one thing to another- doing very BOLD things- having no idea that was the plan, and people said yes, and opportunities just unfolded before me. By the end of the day things I saw in visions the day before were possible and manifesting. What?! How can this be so easy?
Then my Team said, "You are listening and doing what is asked of you."
No fears, no ego talking me out of the workshop topics, no money fears or blocks- which is a big one that comes up for me- the willingness to le myself TRY was so freeing. And I just did.
And it was amazing. I could write for pages about how so many things, (I won't but I could) I had been thinking about, ideas and risks, just came out on a divine to do list that my Higher Self was working on and get this in harmony with my Mind. But they did it without me shifting it on purpose. Without my conscious effort for a specific action or outcome. I was lead, and I ALLOWED myself to be Lead.
A few days ago I spent time pouring over things that felt good, I spent time on inner working projects like the Word of the Year thing, and I created Pinterest account for a few examples.
I had been facing some life stress not just with the holidays but for me personally. Things I haven't shared on social media.
On Friday this week I will be finally getting some surgery that is about 4 years coming. I have endometriosis and with the increased intensity of it the past 8 months, the doc did some tests and an untrasound and found a pulip thing- that doesn't belong in my uterus. This day surgery is a typical procedure, DNC, and Ablation, but as you can imagine with so many things to manage on a good day for me- I was put into stress overload when they wanted to do it soon. As I write this I still have yet to figure out what we are going to do with our 5 yr old on surgery day. He can't come to the hospital because of the flu season rule about kids 5 and under not allowed. Not that I want him there but it's early on a Friday morn- hard to ask someone to babysit your kid at 5 am.
I haven't been sharing this on social media because I am private with deeply stressful things, I like to have my personal space to work on things like this. I don't want energy coming at me- too overwhelming with all the love and light throwers. Don't worry, I am well cared for. I certainly can handle this. I asked for it- for healing for my body. I truly believe this is a healing and that I am reconnecting to my body and this beautiful power center.
Medically, it is not Cancer, they did some pre-testing for that already. It is not a hysterectomy. It is a new beginning. I am so hopeful and happy as I prepare myself for Friday. But I have to say It's been a heck of a November- December. I am sharing here now because, it's really amazing how so much good stuff came while I was so piled on with my own physical real world "stuff". And If you have painful periods, if you have to stay home to stay close to the bathroom because of it, if you have to dramatically plan your life around your cycle- If this is you, see a Gynecologist. Ask for help, don't suffer to be tougher.
I know it will all work out but it's been crazy getting in for the pre-op then having to do more blood tests and with real life still going on- I couldn't even think about end of the year or 2015 business planning.
I took two weeks off work in December, with no clients. I can't remember when I last did that. And when I felt like doing something to engage, I let myself binge for 3 days after January 1st- on major positive inputs and creative inner work. My husband is awesome he deflected the kids, he knew I needed it.
I listened to Ted Talks and did deep meditations, I used my Archangel Cards at every point I wasn't sure what to do next and in recognition of their help in my life. I totally let myself be lead. I listened my marketing business class downloads- yes that's fun for me- I crave masculine ego brain learning stuff, and youtube interviews of positive women entrepreneurs, What a crazy combo! Like a fancy dinner served in a happy meal box! And I wrote pages and pages in my journal. I did the word of the year thing, with links to prompts and worksheets, I got an account and created a Pinterest board and then several more. I did what felt like the next right step. I cannot explain how all these things meshed together to create today. It wasn't logical it was one step at a time with spirit leading. And not even intention for that- just ask and do, ask and do. Easy small steps.
This time made the way for the most incredible day. It was unbelievable. I did things, I sent emails, I asked for things that I had never had the balls to ask for before. And I didn't stop myself or pause to consider how stupid I must be to dare to ask. Thank God because most of those requests were responded to with supportive YESes. Making way for my calendar to fill up with commitments for workshops and talks that I knew I had wanted to do for months but wasn't able to let myself just do it. The usual thinking about spending my time doing that and what if I didn't make money at it- taking on less private clients and taking the risk in my focus on the group work and teaching.
Then these wild ideas about spiritual business development that were relentlessly haunting me for months finally had a platform and flowed out into full on workshops and a spirit biz development group. Ok I said. This has so much energy behind it and it excites me to serve in this way with my skills so I'm IN. I've been doing the biz set up consistently in my mentoring work. It's not like this is something new to me. I just hadn't seen myself taking it to a group level.
An incredible day.
All this while managing real life- doctor appoints, calls from my doctor, the surgeon and the hospital, meetings with the school case worker, back and forth calls with the nurses for medication changes for one kid, a recheck at the ped doc for another, oh and the plans for school being out with the chilly weather here today. It's true. Sometimes it feels like everything happens at once.
An amazing day.
And do you know I think I lost a client, on the amazing day, at the same time I gained an incredible new Mentee. I felt so bad saying No to one, then a new one came like God sent her. Because that is what happened! And my Team said, "The stuff your making is for the hers'." Those spiritual ready to workers that need to know where, how to start- the business curious ones."
Real life didn't stop it just weaved into the spirit lead focus. It is possible.
That is why I am sharing all this with you here. I didn't make it happen. I didn't even ask or intend to be productive, to have courage. It all just moved one step at a time. I allowed myself to be lead.
IN THE MOMENT. That is what co-created the momentum.
I can't wait to finalize some of the live workshops and talks that I am doing for Feb-April! I am waiting to hear back from the organization I am looking to work with to finalize the details for a monthly spirit & biz development group and space rental for my day workshops that I am planning in March and April in the Mpls area.
Thank you to my Team. I hear you. Angels are AWESOME! Thanks to my Lead Guides: Kristoff, She- the pink one, my body elemental Arv. To the Divine Feminine Ladies- Lakshmi, Quan Yin, Parvati, Ganesha, Kali for sharing with me in meditation making me feel the I am part of the divine networking group filled with love and girl power. The gold robes, the purple robes, St. Francis happy to be seeing you again my friend! Joan of Arc, St. Catherine- thanks for the reminders and healing help, of course Melchizedek and the order of staff with his work. And to you, reading this. That was part of their plan.
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