You are always enough.
You must believe in what matters to you, what you think more than the opinions of other.
(I have heard that stated before many ways by other spiritual teachers)
To live this IS the way to teach it.
STOP living in fear, lack and guilt of the not enough of your past.
Be Here Now. (feeling the swipe of the energy from the Mudra motion of this phrase)
The feeling and believe of you are not enough is not true.
Let me tell you how this message came today. I am not sure if you know this about my
personal life, I am divorced from my first husband and we have 3 children together that I refer to in my posts as the “big kids” because they are older than my youngest. They are not old, it was just a way to group them without sharing their names all the time. My oldest is a girl and she is 13, the boys are 12, 10 and youngest is 5. I am happily remarried and my life is completely different now than it was then. Completely different. I went from a high paying career to a full time stay home Mom. I left it all behind to devote my time to my new baby and to be available for my big kids.
I never felt like I was really there for them because they spent so much time in daycare because of my career choice and quite frankly husband choice. When my first baby was born, she just changed everything for me. I wanted to stay home or at least work part time but my husband who was in law school at the time insisted I was just having a post baby depression and that I was not cut out to be a stay home mom. He said I would go crazy
being home all the time. I believed that. I was so career driven- it must have been true. But it wasn’t.
It took me several years trying to get over the guilt of not being home with my kids more, and truth is I never got over it. It wasn’t a disease to be cured, it was a heart opened to unconditional love, when you hold that little one it is a miracle. I felt it. I knew it in my soul. I had the other two babies pretty fast- it was like I was pregnant for 4 years straight! Not too far from the truth.
I had a “second chance” to live the desire that I had to be home for my kids. And it turns out I am meant to be a Mom. I was made for it. As my youngest just started kindergarten, I have so much gratitude for the gift of the time I have had at home. It has been so wonderful for me to have that it just may be the greatest gift of my life. With the support of my husband, I am showered with so much love and encouragement how could I not be
successful and happy?
With all the shift and change with the start of school, I got a request by email from my ex-husband which I don’t often refer to him that way, I usually say the Big Kids Dad or I use his name in conversation. He is changing jobs and he just got married- lots of changes for him and the kids because of that. He requested a new scheduled which is a long time coming given that I have had the kids on a rotation around his shift work rotation- he was a Police Officer, and so I had the kids 5 days and he had them 3. Yes I know that does not equal a week- we have always been on a rotating 8 days arrangement. Even after the years of angst finally some reprieve! My contributions as a stay home Mom were not valued or compensated by him although he benefited greatly from my availability. At the time of the divorce I was making more money then he was that I actually had to pay more of the daycare costs then he did. Talk about ironic.
Apparently all this lack of value and not enough was how it has felt for me the last 7 years. And the perspective shift comes.
I knew some of this but the money and time part was so strong I never realized how much.
Today, I was open, considering schedule options in my journal, my morning pages writing time (Julia Cameron’s tool from the Artists Way book) This is what I wrote about the feelings of stress and strain that came from the lawyer like email I got requesting a
scheduled change- there was more in there but this was the item I focused on and
yes being married to a lawyer was not as bad as divorcing one!
This is my journal entry:
I am given this moment of clarity to see where my truth resides. He cannot define my
value. The past does not determine the present. The way I choose to believe and live IS the truth my children with know. They will see it and feel it. If I can shift this within me.
I can change everything!
Money and time= Value and worth.
This is what I believe to be true.
This relationship is connected to this. The triggers and stress are because of these core beliefs.
What can I let go of about the myths I believe are true?
1. He is not smarter than I am or more capable because we chose to send him to law school back then and not me. He is not more savvy.
I am sensitive savvy. I know feelings and energy. This is true power.
2. What happened in the past is not happening now.
Let go of the ties you carry to the time of change- to the blame of divorce.
Would you stay married to him now?
Then let it die. Turn this decision pressure, blame and fault- into ash.
3. The past is the past. It cannot hurt you if it’s done. What is not Done?
My relationships as it plays out with the big kids. The kids bring the need to have a relationship with their Dad. I need to strengthen my relationships with myself this is important. In doing this, I will improve the lives of my children.
Connect with parts of me that resonate with the energy inside my relationship with each of the kids, separately.
STOP trying to figure out to know what is best for the them.
Believe the truth that what is now, right now, is what is best, each day.
God is in charge.
When I long for something that doesn’t exist, I vibrate the energy of lack, loss and fear.
I give the kids the message of You are not enough. There is not enough.
Then a shift in the message comes:
You are always enough and then the message came pouring in.
I hope this touches you. It is my personal experience as I am opening to heal and release whatever I can during this transition to be a better person, a better mom, to be happier and that is always an ongoing process. For me just as much as it is for you.
Thanks for reading.
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