This is a page from my personal journal. I am sharing it with you because you can see how being connected really works. In the real deal of daily life. When your freakin' out because your scared and your anxiety is through the roof. When you feel like a pop bottle shaken up ready to explode! Fearful images, memories of painful experiences rush forward like the bubbles in that soda. . . and they sting.
Just being a Psychic person doesn't make me immune to fear or worry. It makes me reach deeply into faith. To find the trust that I have to have in a good relationship with my Healing Team. To believe whole heartedly in what they have to say. That is love. That is faith. That is trust. And we all get the opportunity to reconnect with that over and over again.
Here is the short but pointed conversation I had the day before I had surgery.
Morning Pages January 8, 2015 unedited
I am feeling fear, anxiety rising up or bumping into me.
It's like it is protecting me as a blanket. I would much prefer a blanket of love.
That is what I will transmute it into. YES. I will.
Why is there fear here? What is it saying? The focus of it is on the worry about my son's routine and childcare for him- it's so early in the morning nobody is available to help. That's too much to ask someone to do. And the IV. Those needles are big and they sting. If it's not done well it will hurt the entire time. Then after the surgery- I always get so sick. The waking up part takes me too long. I don't want to stay overnight.
CAN YOU ALLOW US TO CARRY THESE FEARS?
A tall Angel figure embodying Raziel, Metatron and Melchizedek showed up beside my bed.
CAN YOU GIVE THEM TO ME/US?
Yes. I can. The fear is not protecting me.
ONE STEP AT A TIME. THAT IS TRUST FOUND IN FAITH.
DO YOU TRUST US?
Of course I do!
DEMONSTRATE THAT NOW.
YOUR CAFFINEE THAT YOU DRINK RIGHT NOW IS NOT HELPING THE ANXIETY. PURGE THAT.
And that was the end of the conversation. I needed to focus on helping my body be ready and that meant my mind had to shut up with the fears. The feelings of fear that come from memories of other visits to the hospital had to be calmed and not leading in my body. I had a very good experience. I had help all along the way that day. Every moment they, my Team was right there. The roads were so icy it was scary to drive, we turned off the country road and up ahead was 3 not 1 but 3 plow trucks. They lead us all half way there where the roads cleared up! At one point I freaked out with the glare ice shining up at us- my husband asked if we needed to turn around. I said I don't know and I say visions of cars in the ditch and a big highway. He said ASK your TEAM.
I did and there was an immediate Metatron response and a knock on the hood- saying WE GOT YOU. And a cherub escorting us along the center line of the road. Then I heard "DO YOU REALLY THINK WE WOULD LET ANYTHING HAPPEN TO YOU, NOW? I said it's ok to my husband. I said a prayer for all the school buses and people having to drive that morning. Later that night after talking with my Mom on the phone she happened to mention a huge 90 car pile up during the morning rush hour in Michigan. Instantly I knew I had felt that.
We had to bring our 5 yr old because the family that was going to watch him got sick and our backup was in a two hour school start delay making coordination impossible. But it felt right to do that not a burden at all. He wasn't grumpy he was part of the Team.
The IV was fast and well placed. I mean really fast. The nurse that put it in was great.
I got extra motion sickness medicine before going into the OR.
And as I came out of the recovery room with my eyes closed I was talking- I was doing readings for the nurses that were near me. I must have sounded crazy. I was on major pain meds. but I gave good advice apparently. I remember a little of it- I was asking for a J name- is there a Jody or a Judi here? There is a Julie I'm a Julie I heard. Then I went on about her work with kids and that being a PED Nurse would be a good move for her. Then a opened my eyes and my husband and son were in the room with me. And I didn't feel sick. I felt like I had a few glasses of wine but not sick. When my Doctor heard that I was doing readings she was so disappointed that she missed it!
Interesting how things happen. If we allow ourselves to just be present and move from one thing to another. I am resting today. It's 3 days post surgery. I am doing healing meditations. I am reading. And listening to a ton of great inspired talks. Thank you for all your well wishes.
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